Journey To Motherhood
Everybody’s journey to motherhood is a different one. Thank you so much to this mama for sharing her story, and being open to anyone wanting to continue the converation, or has any questions. Please meet Mona, mama and owner/operator of Feeding Mama.
How many kids do you have, and how old
Twin 5 year old girls
What does your journey to motherhood look like
I didn't feel the urge to have kids until i met my partner at the age of 41. After 3 miscarriages in 12 months we approached a fertility clinic who told us that we would have to use an egg donor since I had just had my 45th birthday. They suggested we consider adoption as well. While we pondered our options, I shared my fertility journey with a close friend. She immediately offered to donate her own eggs to us. We accepted and agreed to have an open egg donation which means that the story of their conception would be a part of their narrative from day 1. I am Chinese, however both my partner and the egg donor are non-Asian. I worried for a long time that people would think I'm the nanny. I've long had confidence issues so this was just another area that I felt like an imposter. Through therapy and support from my partner and close friends, this is no longer a struggle. The biggest struggle is preparing for kindergarten!
What are some challenges you've faced
Beyond the challenge of being a Chinese Mom to two non-Asian kids and receiving a lot of hurtful comments like "I guess they look like their Dad" and "Are they adopted?" the other biggest challenge was the cultural and generational disconnect for my Mom who was initially suspicious about egg donation. It took a couple of weeks for my Mom to fully process the type of family we were making. However, to this day she won't tell her friends that our twins were conceived from an egg donor.
After 3 miscarriages in 12 months we approached a fertility clinic
What are some survival tips you've learned along the way
1. Find your community of support who listen and help you when you need it. It's the only way I've survived.
2. Trust your intuition.
3. Meditate daily as a way to find peace within.
4. Love yourself. You are amazing.
Any advice for parents, or people wanting to be parents
1. Meditate to find peace and calm.
2. Eat whole foods and try to avoid processed food.
What does support look like to you / how did support show up for you along the way
My partner taking 6 weeks off after the babies came. My partner supporting my desire to hire a postpartum doula and nanny. My mom understanding that nutrition postpartum was critical and arranging a postpartum chef to cook for me for the first 30 days postpartum.
Beyond the challenge of being a Chinese Mom to two non-Asian kids and receiving a lot of hurtful comments like "I guess they look like their Dad" and "Are they adopted?" the other biggest challenge was the cultural and generational disconnect for my Mom who was initially suspicious about egg donation.
How are you writing your own rules of "motherhood"
Not feeling guilty around wanting to work which means spending as much time away from my kids as my partner. Allowing myself to ask my partner to solo parent more times than I've had to solo parent. Prioritizing being present with my kids when we are together.
What are some daily rituals for you, just for you
1. Daily meditation via instagram using In Bed With Betty (https://www.instagram.com/meet.betty/) which is run by Anita Cheung who is based in Vancouver. She also developed the Feeding Mama brand and website.
2. Journaling my anxieties and dreams.
3. Eating as much whole foods as possible but not guilting myself if I eat processed foods
Find your community of support who listen and help you when you need it. It's the only way I've survived.